When mistakes happen, learn to dance…

I didn’t get to watch all of the Champions League Final at the weekend, but when the game finished and I watched the scenes as Loris Karius lay dejected and alone in the Liverpool goal, I really felt sorry for him.

 

The young goalkeeper had made two mistakes that led to goals in the final and as Real Madrid celebrated, his own team-mates – dejected surely as they all were -must have known how badly their goalkeeper was feeling, yet they left him lying dejected and alone.

 

Now, I have to admit that even though I didn’t get to see all of the game, I did see the third goal happen and my initial response was one of criticism for the goalkeeper for making a basic error.

 

But as he lay on the pitch at the end I knew that the mistake had happened and could not be rectified now, what he needed at that point to have somebody from his own team to come to him and acknowledge that it would all be ok.

 

Yes, it was a big football match. A huge football match, but it was still only a football match. In the grand scheme of things, no matter what anyone has ever said, it was not more important than life or death.

 

And the thing about so many sports is this – ultimately they are decided because somebody makes a mistake.

 

If it is an interception, a missed chance, a mis-placed pass, it somehow never seems to carry the same weight than if a goalkeeper, the very last line of defence, makes a mistake.

 

Goalkeepers are brave, because people are cruel. Even from a young age, players will blame their goalkeeper as an easy excuse, often in the wrong.

 

So, I admire the bravery of goalkeepers and I admired the bravery of the 24-year-old Karius who did not hide away after the game, but came and faced the cameras and said he was sorry.

 

And I thought about this all day because, as a coach, I have young goalkeepers who eat themselves up inside when they make a mistake even though I tell them it is ok, that if they can learn from the mistakes, they will get better and better.

 

I was reminded of some quotes I’d read once from the famous management consultant Peter Drucker who said the ‘better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try.’

 

The same man suggested that he would never promote into a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes, because that man would be sure to be mediocre.

 

Best of all was a piece I’d read from a favourite of mine, Ralph Waldo Emerson who was replying by letter to his daughter. She was away at school and had written to say she was concerned about a past mistake that continued to haunt her.

 

In his reply Emerson said.

 

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, but get rid of them and forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day and you should never encumber its potentialities and invitations with the dread of the past. You should not waste a moment of today on the rottenness of yesterday.”

 

I was also reminded of the story of Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Nick Foles who led his team to Superbowl glory this year having been written off and the strength he had shown to grow and learn.

 

In all of that I realised that – we are all human and make mistakes so we should never be too quick to jump on anyone else for making one and instead perhaps offer them support in a time of need.

 

I also remembered that when we do make mistakes we should learn from them, move on and never, ever confuse our mistakes with our value as a human being.

 

And I remembered this.

 

Out Of The Storm

There will always be 
more storms to weather,

opportunities to hide,

to keep the head
 below the parapet

until it seems 
a perfect time has come,

to peek out from your fears,

hoping that just maybe,

the worst of the tempest has passed you by.

But those storms can also
 offer

exciting new prospects.

 

Chances to show strength;

the fortitude to keep focus 
on

the glimmers of brightness

however far, on the horizon.

The choice to tough it out;

to shake off obstacles and pain.

To step out from the shadow

of those raging storms,

and learn to dance in the rain…

Celebrate success

At the end of a work event last week, one of the participants on a programme I had been working with came to thank me for all the work I had done.

I always love that. When people take the time to say thank you, but I didn’t realise, until she pointed out, that I wasn’t taking on board exactly what she was saying.

You see, I was just doing my job. Trying to do it to the very best of my ability, so my auto-response of no thanks are necessary, kicked in.

It was only after she pointed out that I ‘find it so hard to take a compliment’ that I truly understood that there is often more to gratitude than just a few simple words.

As a person who offers thanks often – be that to a bus driver, a waiter, the till clerk at the grocery store, I should have realised that.

After all, what I mean when I offer those words, are – thank you for a job well done, for getting us there safely, for great service, for your friendliness and patience, the list goes on.

As it turned out, it was also around a year ago exactly that I found out that I had been awarded a lifetime service award for my years of volunteering with my local football club.

Thanks to Facebook memories, I was able to read through and truly take in just how many wonderful comments of congratulations were offered, but among all of those comments one also stood out.

That comment, from someone who knows how much I believe others are always more deserving of the spotlight, was along the lines that I would ‘probably be hiding under the table now because I couldn’t handle such praise.’

In many respects they were right. As the comments flooded in, my initial gut feeling was that I was hardly worthy and surely I was too young anyway to receive such an award?

But then I realised that I had indeed given over 30 years service to the club, during which time I have endured sorrow many times as young people passed away whose lifetime was nowhere near as long.

I have written before in this blog about the need to Prize Yourself, but what I also realised this week is that we should not only be delighted to take compliments when they are merited, but to celebrate success when it is achieved.

I was reminded of the Wal-Mart legend Sam Walton who passed away in 1992 from cancer, just a few weeks before my own father died of the same disease.

Sam had built the store into America’s largest retailer but aged 71 he once had promised that he would do a hula down Wall Street if the company reached its goal of a pretax profit of more than 8 percent.

When his company achieved the goal, true to his word, he strapped a grass skirt over his business suit and accompanied by some traditional Hawaiian dancers and musicians, he took to the streets in front of the Manhattan offices.

The billionaire entrepreneur is no doubt remembered for many of his business attributes, but for me the stand out one will always be this – his ability to celebrate success.

It reminded me that I should celebrate success much more than I do.

Do you celebrate your successes enough?

A matter of purpose…

I was awake early on Saturday morning. Very early as it happened, so I went for a walk. As it turns out, so did thousands of others, because on Saturday all over Ireland thousands upon thousands walked the walk for Darkness into Light.

 

In Letterkenny where I walked, there were over 2,200 walking, starting in the darkness at 4.15 am and with every step forward, walking towards the sunrise. It was beautiful.

 

Among the hordes of walkers, I saw so many who had lost loved ones to suicide. My heart ached for them. I so dearly wished that those who had been lost had just somehow found a spark of light in their darkest moment.

 

I began to think about priorities. About purpose. About how so many of us spend our days fretting over the small stuff.

 

How we so often, miss the point.

 

I was reminded of a poem I had written a few years ago after reading an article about a hospice nurse who had interviewed her patients.

 

Those patients knew their days on earth were numbered, but the regrets they all held when they looked back, were ones so many of us could avoid.

 

Instead, it seems that so many of us hurtle along the same pathway. Making the same mistakes, adding the same stresses, getting priorities wrong and sometimes plunging ourselves into a bad place as a result.

 

I read once that Saint Augustine, asked what he would do if he knew he were to die before the sun went down, simply replied by saying that he would continue to hoe his garden.

 

To me it would seem that Saint Augustine was caught up in his sense of purpose and knew in that scenario, time, or lack of it, would not alter his life’s course.

 

In the article with the hospice nurse, so many of the patients suggested that they had worked so long and so hard in pursuit of career and money to make things better for their children, that they had lost out on the real treasure – the chance to spend time with them, to watch them grow.

 

As I walked on Saturday morning I realised that the amount we earn, or the success we achieve, is likely to produce emptiness unless we have a purpose beyond ourselves.

 

I wished the financial stresses and strains of everyday living were not such a burden that for so many people, their purpose seems to be just to sell as much time as they can for as much as they can get, just so they can pay bills.

 

I hoped that those in darkness would find even the tiniest seam of light to steer them to a better place.

 

And I yearned for a day when people would be driven by a purpose that would lead them to living a full and happy life with no regrets…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misfit

I attended a conference a few weeks ago when one of the speakers used just one slide – a picture from the movie ‘Misfits.’

The general premise of his entire talk was that he felt he probably was something of a misfit himself, but that he was always fascinated and inspired by those people he termed ‘misfits.’

That label was something he gave them because, well they were people who didn’t fit nicely under any of the labels that others wanted to put them under.

And right away I loved it.

I think I did so because I’ve never viewed myself as having been in a box, which is why I’ve never liked the idea of ‘thinking outside the box.’

I mean, apart from an escapologist, who would ever want to be thinking inside a box anyway?

I love the idea that it is okay to be continually looking for something new, an adventure; to know that along the long path on the search for happiness you’ll make mistakes; to realise that is what life really is all about anyway.

But at the core of it all, I believed the message was that misfits are still passionate and driven and irrespective of their search for that new adventure, they will always give of their best to the job they have at hand.

For them life is not boring. Work is not meaningless and they know that when it comes to motivation they will need to generate that themselves on a daily basis

So they do – most no doubt unaware of the old German saying that goes – “You’ll have to take life as it happens, but you should try to make it happen the way you want to take it.”

And there is great wisdom in that.

We can fall into line. Tick the box. Wear the label – but we should only do that if that is what we want for ourselves.

After all, it is what we do with our life that will determine whether we view it as an adventure or as drudgery.

But just remember, it is never too late to change. And it is ok to be a misfit!