The power of positivity

I had a couple of occasions over the past week to stop, take a breath and then realise that the best thing to do is to keep moving forward.

 

Now, I am certain that not so very long ago I might well have been knocked a little off stride, but I am certain now that all I would have done would have been to heap unnecessary worry on a situation that did not require it.

 

Put it like this, I’ve come to understand that a positive attitude might not let you do anything, but it will help you do everything better than a negative attitude will.

 

As someone who spends time helping to coach young players, I believe that when I tell them I believe in them, that it’s important for them to believe me.

 

In my experience if someone thinks they can’t do something, they are usually right – but that’s also the case for those who think they can.

 

Our attitude towards a task is a trigger for the body to respond to it and it’s not just a case of simply believing that by being positive, something will happen by magic.

 

The U14 girls team I help to coach have shown me fantastic examples of this time and time again over the past year.

 

As I watched them play on Saturday and pondered afterwards on the hard-fought victory they had dug out for themselves, I realised that optimistic people don’t somehow think that nothing will go wrong – just because they have a positive attitude.

 

In some respects, it may well be the opposite.

 

What I’ve seen from those girls is that they understand the difference between an obstacle and adversity – is their attitude towards it.

 

I’d like to think that along with my fellow coaches, we have played some part in helping shape that attitude in them.

 

That by eliminating unrealistic expectations, allowing for failure without punishment and appreciating their terrific efforts, we have laid some sort of foundation for them to flourish.

 

But if they have learned anything of that from us as coaches, then as a coach I too have learned from them a lesson, best summed up by the German philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:

“The way you see people is the way you treat them and the way you treat them, is what they become.”

 

That is just as true when looking at one self as it is when looking at others – and that’s where I have come to understand how the power of positivity once again becomes important.

 

I read somewhere once that by keeping going, even in the face of the most difficult times, the chances are you will reach a good point again, even if you stumble on it.

 

But nobody has ever heard of anyone stumbling on something while sitting down, sitting still.

 

Every opportunity has a difficulty and every difficulty has an opportunity.

 

We are who we are today because of our attitudes and choices.

 

And the choice is ours to keep moving forward.

 

The value of experience

I was at a coach education evening last week and right from the start, the trainer suggested that people should seek out the oldest person in the room and speak to them.

 

There was clear logic in what he said, because, as he explained, that person has experience and those willing to, can learn a lot from that experience.

 

That was all grand until the panic set in, when I saw the rest of the people around my table all began to talk to me and I realised I was the oldest at the table!

 

Strangely enough I had been thinking a good bit recently about how experience is often overlooked in these days of such haste to get things done.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, we live in exciting and innovative times, but much innovation is driven by failure and knowledge of past mistakes.

 

So, to ignore past experience for instance – just to be said to be trying to do something your own way or differently – will often lead people into making mistakes that others have made before – and therefore could be avoided.

 

That’s not to say that we should never strive for improvement or try to be innovative or seek new and better ways to do things, but it is important to keep in mind the mistakes of the past so we don’t repeat them.

 

And one way of doing that is by talking to and by listening to those who have been there before us, those who may well have previously tried and tested things that we might feel are innovative!

 

As I thought about that on the way home I was reminded of a story I once read about a businessman who was having coffee with a colleague and recounted how he had consulted a lawyer for legal advice.

 

The colleague asked him why he had wasted the money on a lawyer, pointing out that the library was free, it was full of law books and had all the answers he needed.

 

The businessman agreed that going through those books might well have saved him money but understanding the value of the lawyer’s experience he chipped in:

 

“The difference was that the lawyer knew exactly which book to look in and what page to look for in that book!”

 

In her brilliant song “The Elder of the Tribe,” Juliet Turner finishes with the line:

 

“All the boys are looking to the elders of the tribe, to teach them how to live.”

 

I have always been a fan of Juliet Turner’s songs – as much for the poetry of her lyrics as anything else and that same song has always resonated with me with lines like:

 

“It’s clear because he set a good example that it’s time, it’s time to pay attention to what the old folks say. It’s the wisdom of the years and the courage of a man who chose to stay.”

 

The older I get myself I have begun to understand that kind of wisdom comes as a reward for listening when you might have been tempted to talk.

 

It comes not alone from reading, but also from living.

 

It comes from not just trying to learn new things, but from also putting things into practice that are already known.

 

It also comes from being open to new ideas and innovation and most of all by asking good questions.

 

Because let’s face it – if you think you know all the answers already, that just means that you haven’t asked all the questions.

 

So my question to you is this – Have you asked any good questions lately?

 

 

The Search Goes On

 

I search still for knowledge that is,

unwritten; hiding in the dark corners,

of brains and unstarted conversations.

 

It is the stuff of scrapes and scraps,

residue from every crash with life.

 

The dust that has clung on from each

experience, often untouched.

 

Sometimes even undiscovered.

 

I seek still to paint a perfect thousand.

 

To really see when I look around –

beyond the obvious picture.

 

To discover those gems that lie beneath.

 

I want to wrestle with sentences,

scrawling and scratching out words;

pushing understanding to the limit

 

I want to always have those pictures

running on and on inside my head,

the wheels forever turning as I

hunt and rummage, constantly looking;

 

For answers. For wisdom.

 

For more questions…

 

(Liam Porter 2018)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pecking order

As the story unfolded during the week of the job shaming of former Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens, I couldn’t help but ponder on how mean-spirited – and downright uppity some people can be.

 

For anyone unfamiliar with the story, Mr Owens is an actor who starred in The Cosby Show, but who was recently working in the grocery chain store, Trader Joe’s.

 

When a customer snapped a picture of him working there, the Daily Mail and Fox News subsequently ran ‘fall from grace‘ type headlines and stories. In fairness, a host of people including celebrities took to social media to express their disgust at the ‘job shaming.’

 

The actor himself, who appeared on several chat shows proudly wearing his Trader Joe’s badge said he did feel some people were trying to job shame him.

 

But he stressed that “every job is worthwhile and valuable.”

“There is no job that is better than another job. It might pay better, it might have better benefits, it might look better on a resume and on paper, but actually, it’s not better. Every job is worthwhile and valuable, and if we have a rethinking about that because of what has happened to me, that would be great.”

 

He is right of course, but I also couldn’t help but wonder as the whole saga unfolded, on the way society has decided upon this pecking order of significance and status.

 

The man was doing an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay, but yet in the scheme of things it would seem that there is a perception out there that – if all jobs are worthwhile and valuable – some jobs are more worthwhile and valuable than others.

 

That value seems to be measured in status and money.

 

And it reminded me of interviews I did for a project last year – stories with some exceptionally hard-working people involved in fantastic successful businesses that make amazing things.

 

Each one lamented the fact that their profession had plenty of work, but they still struggled to find employees – because somehow their professions seemed to be no longer trendy enough, appeared to have dropped down this ‘pecking order.’

 

“What is the point,” said one of the businessmen to me at the time, “of having all the doctors in the world, if there is nobody to make the equipment for them, nobody to fix a pipe for them?”

 

And he was right.

 

This idea of a pecking order, or that somehow we can look down at someone else because of what they do, is sheer nonsense; especially when you consider how many people in well-paid jobs continually profess to be so unhappy in their lives.

 

I am lucky to still live in a small community where I know lots of people and I know it is the contribution of each and every one of them, that makes this a great place to live.

 

My late father, who by the standards of this pecking order, would have been well near the bottom, worked hard every day of his life and gave his all to community as well.

 

The simple truth he once offered me was this.

 

“If somebody wants, they can place themselves on a pedestal and think they are above the rest of the world, but they always need to remember that the size of their funeral will still depend on the weather!”

 

Well worth remembering and well worth reminding ourselves as we appreciate the efforts of all those around us, working to make a living.

 

Ladder

 

Even if fate has placed you,

higher on some pecking order

society has self-devised,

it truly does not mean

that you are somehow better,

than those below.

 

It simply means,

even if you have worked

your way up several steps,

made the best of all the

chances that came your way,

that you have been fortunate.

 

It is always prudent and wise,

when one climbs then,

to be nice to those you meet

on your way up.

You may well meet them again,

should you ever have to

come back down.

(Liam Porter 2018)

 

 

 

 

A time to let go and a time to grow..

I got to spend some time in the garden this week and it started me thinking about a poem I wrote a good few years ago as a Christmas gift for my wife.

 

The poem called ‘family tree’ came to mind for a couple of reasons.

 

First of all, the tree in our garden is kind of hard to miss, so when you decide to spend time in the garden, it’s a pretty dominant feature.

 

But it also came to mind because as I pottered about in the garden, one of my two daughters had just left on a new adventure to start work in a new country.

 

Within a matter of months – all things working to plan – our other daughter will also embark on her new adventure as well.

 

I’ve been asked a lot in recent times how I feel about that and honestly, I am delighted for them both.

 

There is nothing that will give me greater pleasure than seeing them both pursue their own dreams – whatever they might be – and I am always mindful of the quote I referenced before from Najwa Zebian that said:

 

“At the end of the day, no one will walk your journey for you. You have to do that. At the end of the day, no one will dream for you. You have to do that.”

 

As I got around to that much-needed tidying in the garden I also began to marvel at how that huge tree has grown over the years and how it takes on a different personality for each season.

 

I began to realise (as I looked at the hundreds of thousands of fallen leaves that lie in the garden) that one of its secrets to success is an ability to embrace change when it is needed.

 

An ability to realise the harm that clinging on to something for the wrong reasons could bring.

 

In last week’s post I mentioned how easy it can be to get in a rut, but even though it can be hard, the reality is that change is all around us and it is by embracing it that we thrive.

 

I was reminded of the newspaper editorial.

 

“The world is too big for us. Too much going on, too many crimes, too much violence and excitement. Try as you will, you get behind in the race, in spite of yourself. It’s an incessant strain to keep pace…And still you lose ground. Science empties its new discoveries on you so fast that you stagger beneath them in hopeless bewilderment. The political news seen so rapidly that you’re out of breath trying to keep pace with who’s in and who’s out. Everything is high pressure. Human nature can’t endure much more.”

 

Much as though those words might have been written in the past few weeks or months, they actually came from The Atlantic Journal in 1833.

 

And that’s the thing about life, about time. It is always changing, always moving forward and with that will always come change that – when we adapt with it – will help us grow.

 

I remember learning these brilliant few lines from an unknown poet many years ago.

 

“Life itself can’t bring you joy, unless you really will it; Life just gives you time and space, it’s up to you to fill it.”

 

Change is not something to be feared. It is something we should welcome, because without change nothing in the world would ever grow.

And nobody would ever blossom into the brilliant person they want to be…

 

 

Family Tree

Only time can show the direction,

that each branch will take.

How those shoots withstand the elements,

to grow and prosper.

Whatever they face though,

they will always be connected,

to some degree.

For they will always be a part of

their family tree.

 

 

Letting Go

It had learned –
that giant tree,
the secret to a long
and healthy life,
was in knowing
when to change,
the time to grow
and when it was right
to let things go.

Rooted in reality,
it knew that clinging on,
would simply mean
awesome potential,
might never be fulfilled.

To withstand the test
of time that never stops,
it embraced change.

Everything prospered.

(Liam Porter 2018)